A Tuesday in October

Dillon was sick that morning before work. He had spent the night drinking too much liquor, alone, playing guitar and writing crappy short stories he'd never finish. Dillon chugged down half a bottle of mouthwash got dressed and began his walk to his place of work, the used book store in the city centre. When he got there his boss knew Dillon had been drinking, he could see, and frankly the mouthwash had failed to cover up the smell. Dillon looked at his boss's face and saw the disgust.

“I'm going to kill myself today, do you want to fire me on the day I killed myself?”

Mr Patterson, Dillon's boss looked him in the eyes, saw that there was truth to his claim and said that it would be best if Dillon stayed in the back room doing stock. Dillon walked past the other staff members and entered the stock area. He was about to put his earphones in and listen to the Fond of Tigers' album he had just download. Then he heard his name being called.

“Dill, Dill, is it true? Are you really going to kill yourself today?”.

It was Marnie, one of the few people in the world who cared enough to talk to him. Dillon shrugged, looked apathetically at Marnie and shrugged one more time before he put his headphones in and started to take stock.

On his lunch hour Dillon went to the vegan café across the road and tried to order a bacon sandwich. He was refused and subsequently barred from the premises for being a dick. Dillon then went to the pet shop and bought a bag of doggy treats instead and walked down the high street. Past Waterstones, McDonald's, HMV, and that indie record store that he's too scared to enter because of the pretty hipsters that hang around at the door. He kept walking, walking for almost two hours. When he returned to the store Mr. Patterson was angry and his face red and he looked like he was going to hit Dillon but held back and instead took a long breathe.

“Just go home Dill.”

Dillon did so.

At home the phone was ringing, the caller ID showed his mothers number, he knew his boss had called his mother and told her the threat made earlier. The ringing turns into knocking, the knocking turns into kicking and the door is on the floor. Dillon's brother is stood standing there in the doorway looking at Dillon who was just sat in the hallway adjacent the door listening to his music. His brother grabbed him and dragged him from his lotus position and pulled him down the hall. Dillon was in the back of his brothers car. They were heading towards his mothers house. Dillon thought about opening the door and rolling out, but he did not. Instead he just sat and stared at the tree hanging from the rear view mirror as it swings to and fro.

When they got to their mother's house Dillon walks in on his own accord, goes straight up to his old room and looks around. The posters of old bands he no longer likes, books he didn't take with him when he moved out. Comics from the early 90's in the corner. Action figures, guitars, a drum kit and records he no longer listens to. He looks around and remembers memories of his younger self. His first girlfriend, watching Ghost and knowing then that it was a bad movie. Awkwardly groping his girlfriend while she watched the film. Trying to be quiet, his parents downstairs, his brother in the next room. Staying indoors on summer days, watching TV and being melancholy over lost love. He remembered his first band, jamming frantically in his bedroom making noise that had the neighbours complaining, but his parents supporting, claiming it's creative. And he looks back and remembers days of innocence, days of nothing but pure unadulterated happiness. He remembers this, looks at himself in the mirror, shrugs at the 24 year old looking back at him. “Where did we go wrong?” he whispers to himself.