I Can't Remember If We Had Sex That Night.

Deeza lived in a small apartment. It was a 'studio' and was in the arts district. The only furniture she had was a bookcase and a bed. When we got to her apartment she told me it was bare, I laughed it off, but now I see she was serious. We listened to music from her macbook, 'The Cool Kids' I think. We smoked a little pot and she asked if we should order pizza. I agreed it was probably a good idea so we ordered a 12" cheese and tomato. I was feeling hazy when it arrived. Deeza finished most of it, I had about 3 slices tops. We laughed when Chuck Inglish or Mikey Rocks, I don't know which one, sang: "And I'm out, here we go, hear me out, Chuck is dope, tell the pope, yo what else you wanna know?". It wasn't particularly funny, but we were high, and stupid. We both hugged and laughed, then hugged some more. It was an absurd scene.

We went for a walk in our high state. Deeza brought another joint to keep the buzz if it starts to drop. It was around 3 am. We were the only ones out save for a few bar leaving stragglers heading to the all night café. We decided to get some coffee and a bite to eat. So we followed them in. Inside the cafe it was loud with drunks shouting on friends, waitresses, whoever. There was no free tables, but there was a couple who shouted us over. Said we could sit with them. We did. The couple said they were out celebrating their 5th year together. They asked how long we had been together. Deeza looked at me, shrugged and said forever. I looked at her and said and a day. She said what?, I replied forever and a day, we've been together for ever and a day. We hadn't. We weren't even together. We were just friends from college. After coffee and a link sausage roll we left the café and headed back to Deeza's. On the way we smoked the last joint. We sang 'And I'm out, here we go, hear me out, Chuck is dope, tell the pope, yo what else you wanna know?' We laughed loudly and I almost fell over. Deeza said I was an idiot.

Back in Deeza's apartment I chose the music. I chose Gnarls Barkley. We made stupid pop culture references and laughed at how silly everything was. Deeza looked at me and said we're still in war with Afghanistan, no one ever remembers this unless it's on the news. I told her that was correct, I forgot we were in Afghanistan until she mentioned it. War is fucking juvinile she said. I said life is juvinile. She said life is worthless and that we should all die. I said dying is worthless and we should live forever as a sign of deviance. She liked that idea. She then told me she tried to read Joyce, but found him to be irrelevant in contemporary society. I said he was a hack and Beckett was better. She laughed and said she didn't know who the fuck Beckett was. I laughed at her laughing.

It was around 5 in the morning and the music had changed to The Antlers. Deeza looked at me and said that we could fuck, but only if I loved her. I said I wasn't sure if I loved her in the sense she was hoping, I told her I don't even know what love is. She said that I could fuck her, but only if I try to love her. I told her I would try. This made her happy and she smiled and said I could maybe stay forever. I said that'd be nice.