Ten

I.

BEER

I stand in the alcohol section looking at a 12 pack. It is a bad tasting beer, but it is cheap. I feel that by buying the cheaper beer I am punishing myself. There is a Wu Tang Clan song playing on the store radio. The guy behind the counter is watching me with my cheap beer. I nod and exit the store. He chases after me. He is faster. He beats the shit out of me and demands I either pay for the beer or he calls the police. I pay for the beer.

II.

APARTMENT

My apartment smells funky. I sometimes feel like I should clean it. I don't. I sit watching TV and think it would be good to clean my apartment. I don't. My friend comes over and tells me he hates me, he takes some of my beer and leaves. I'm not entirely sure he is my friend.

III.

CRACK

In Kreuzberg, Berlin, a girl offered me crack. I smoked crack for the first time in Kreuzberg, Berlin. Someone told me crack is addictive. I don't think it is. I have not smoked crack since Kreuzberg.

IV.

WAVING YOU PREGNANT.

We stare at each other from our apartments. You smile and wave. I smile and wave. You are now my girlfriend and you are now pregnant.

V.

BAD ASS HIPSTER PUNK

I am sitting wearing skinny grey jeans, white converse and a ripped black t-shirt a size too small. I feel like I'm iggy pop or some 70s punk. I should leave the house and chat up some hipster chicks. I think they will like my attire.

VI.

WORK

At work today I moved some boxes. The boxes made me feel sad. It was like I was evicting them from their home. From the back of the warehouse. I put them in the cardboard recycling dumpster. I wonder if I get evicted if the landlord will come and throw me in the dumpster out back. I hope he does, I belong there. I should save him time and just move into the dumpster before he evicts me. After this thought I go back to work where I have to get a 42” TV for a customer. Frank helps me.

VII.

BAR

I have a sickening feeling in my stomach. I drink beer to make it better. I watch sports to numb it out. I piss in the urinal because I've drunk too much beer. A man speaks to me. I feel awkward. I ignore him and leave the bathroom. I drink more beer. The man at the bar tells me I have had enough. I have had enough. I leave. On my walk home I follow a homeless man. He tells me God is his son, and that he is a problem child, God, not the homeless man.

VIII.

COLLEGE

I dropped out of college at the end of my second year. I took a 'gap year'. It wasn't a gap year. I worked at a sports store. I went back to college for the final two years. I got a third. My mother cried. My father called me a waster.

IX.

HOTEL ROOMS

I got into a fight with a bellboy. He wanted a tip. I spat in his face. I threatened to eat his fucking nose. He called his boss. I was not allowed to return to my room. I did not get my deposit back. That I night I quit drinking for the third time.

X.

BEING POOR

Being poor is not so bad. Being alone is not so bad. Being me is good. I am good. But that is not the main thing here. The main thing is: YOU ARE GOOD.

XI

CHAPBOOKS

“I have a collection of chapbooks in my garage. They are water damaged and yours for £2 the lot.” I post this on facebook. No one replies.