I wish I was bi-polar

at least then I could be happy sometimes.

But I probably won't kill myself.

You have come to the conclusion there is something missing from your life.

You fill that space with drugs because at least they can cheer you up.

They don't cheer you up and only your eventual suicide will do that.

But you won't kill yourself, you even say 'But I probably won't kill myself' when referring to how doomed you are.

You get a text saying hopefully an awkward situation won't make things awkward.

You lie, say that it will not.

It will.

The garbage man came today and you wanted him to throw you in the trash compactor.

He refused, said 'you need help bro, you crazy'.

'I don't need help, I need to be one with the trash'.

He does not believe you and moves on.

You will try again next week.

Super suicide smash funzies!

Realist chick flicks

That grapefruit destruction
 
Bean eating contest

Fighting giant pink robots from outer space.

Dialogues

"ah wrote a chapbook"
"Did it sell?"
"Never tried"
"What?"
"There still in a bawks in ma shed"
"Water damaged?"
"Probably"

***

"The last time we were here ah threw up"

"Last time ah wis here we made oot"

"Mind that mogwai gig here?"

"Naw"

"Me neither, ah got trashed"

"Me anaw"

"Mind amber?"

"Aye. Did she no kill hersel?"

"Aye?"

"Aye. I'm sure eh it."

"ah wonder why she hudnae been around in months"

"Too much Cariasa's weird"

"Not enough beer"

"Not enough beer"

***

"Ah watched hibs at Easter Road fir the first time since college."

"Ah remember we use tae go to all the home games."

"Use tae be the shite wi all the middle class English kids at uni"

"Oh aye. 'real fucking working class lads these two' they would say"

"I saw Chelsea the eir day"

"Did she acknowledge ye?"

"Naw, she was in a suit and shit, ah wis in pissed jeans"

"Cunt"

"Aye"

Samuel Beckett told me in a dream to write a play about nothing.

House lights lower, spotlight centre stage, curtains open. An empty stage.
Curtains close, spotlight lowers, house lights come on.
[fin]

I owe Jesus money.

But I spent it on booze so he is going to have wait a little longer.