I.
BEER
I stand in the alcohol
section looking at a 12 pack. It is a bad tasting beer, but it is
cheap. I feel that by buying the cheaper beer I am punishing myself.
There is a Wu Tang Clan song playing on the store radio. The guy
behind the counter is watching me with my cheap beer. I nod and exit
the store. He chases after me. He is faster. He beats the shit out of
me and demands I either pay for the beer or he calls the police. I
pay for the beer.
II.
APARTMENT
My apartment smells
funky. I sometimes feel like I should clean it. I don't. I sit
watching TV and think it would be good to clean my apartment. I
don't. My friend comes over and tells me he hates me, he takes some
of my beer and leaves. I'm not entirely sure he is my friend.
III.
CRACK
In
Kreuzberg, Berlin, a girl offered me crack. I smoked crack for the
first time in Kreuzberg, Berlin. Someone told me crack is addictive.
I don't think it is. I have not smoked crack since Kreuzberg.
IV.
WAVING YOU PREGNANT.
We
stare at each other from our apartments. You smile and wave. I smile
and wave. You are now my girlfriend and you are now pregnant.
V.
BAD ASS HIPSTER PUNK
I
am sitting wearing skinny grey jeans, white converse and a ripped
black t-shirt a size too small. I feel like I'm iggy pop or some 70s
punk. I should leave the house and chat up some hipster chicks. I
think they will like my attire.
VI.
WORK
At
work today I moved some boxes. The boxes made me feel sad. It was
like I was evicting them from their home. From the back of the
warehouse. I put them in the cardboard recycling dumpster. I wonder
if I get evicted if the landlord will come and throw me in the
dumpster out back. I hope he does, I belong there. I should save him
time and just move into the dumpster before he evicts me. After this
thought I go back to work where I have to get a 42” TV for a
customer. Frank helps me.
VII.
BAR
I
have a sickening feeling in my stomach. I drink beer to make it
better. I watch sports to numb it out. I piss in the urinal because
I've drunk too much beer. A man speaks to me. I feel awkward. I
ignore him and leave the bathroom. I drink more beer. The man at the
bar tells me I have had enough. I have had enough. I leave. On my
walk home I follow a homeless man. He tells me God is his son, and
that he is a problem child, God, not the homeless man.
VIII.
COLLEGE
I
dropped out of college at the end of my second year. I took a 'gap
year'. It wasn't a gap year. I worked at a sports store. I went back
to college for the final two years. I got a third. My mother cried.
My father called me a waster.
IX.
HOTEL ROOMS
I
got into a fight with a bellboy. He wanted a tip. I spat in his face.
I threatened to eat his fucking nose. He called his boss. I was not
allowed to return to my room. I did not get my deposit back. That I
night I quit drinking for the third time.
X.
BEING POOR
Being
poor is not so bad. Being alone is not so bad. Being me is good. I am
good. But that is not the main thing here. The main thing is: YOU ARE
GOOD.
XI
CHAPBOOKS
“I
have a collection of chapbooks in my garage. They are water damaged
and yours for £2 the lot.” I post this on facebook. No one
replies.
